Something about Fall

I like Fall. No, actually, that is an understatement. I love Fall.

But lately, I have been looking at the trees slowly turning color and thinking - Stop. Not just yet. Don't you dare turn color now. I mean, wait a minute, when did it get to be October? I'm not ready yet.

It seems that for all of those thing that make Fall wonderful, you need time. Plenty of time. Think about it: walks in the wood, drinking a hot cup of tea and just looking a tree outside your window, reading books (ok, magazines for all busy moms) all cuddled up under a soft knitted blanket, picking the perfect pumpkin, sleeping in on a Sunday morning, breathing the crisp air, making big batches of pumpkin soup and baking apple tarts (more on that later. Unless I'm taking a nap).

Ahhhh... Sounds lovely, no?

I've been nagging my older son to finish his homework on time and go practice the guitar when all he really wants to do is ride his bike with the neighborhood kids. He had a really hard time adjusting after the long summer break, his first ever real summer break after his first year of school. You can tell he misses those lazy days of summer, where all he had to do was get up when he woke up, throw on some shorts and a tee, grab some breakfast and see who'd be there to play with.

All of a sudden he is faced with deadlines and worksheets that need to be finished until the Fall break in two weeks. Guitar practice after not touching the instrument much over the summer. Books to be read, additional assignments to complete. Getting out of bed when it's all of a sudden still dark in the morning. Wearing a jacket.

I told him he'd have to adjust to the school year routine and just finish the things he had to do first and then he'd have time to play.

Today it dawned on me that I am not all that different.

I have to force myself out of bed in the morning when all I'd really like to do is take a nap. For three days straight. All of a sudden I am faced with deadlines and assignments and to dos. At work, where there are events to prepare and newsletters to write, at home where there is a house full of messes, from refrigerator to closets that have been neglected all summer long and need to be taken care of now. And at school and kindergarten, where it seems that no day goes by without some teacher telling me what I have to do or make sure that my kid does. And don't even get me started on the holidays, because I know they are just around the corner just another thing I should be on top of.

I just nod in silence.

Of course I add it to my list and mostly we cross things off and get them done.

But for some reason, it is so much harder this year. It's not so much that I miss the lazy summer days, it's more that I miss the time to enjoy this season. And with every tree I pass that is sporting yellow leaves it reminds me that this goes by so quickly.

Within the blink of an eye October will be gone.

Will I have taken photos, made apple pies and sat in that last bit of sun that still has the warmth to it? Will I have had the time to made myself a cup of tea and sip it, slowly, why it is still hot? Will we have collected pretty leaves and chestnuts and made those felt acorns I have been meaning to try forever?

Or will it all just rush by in a blur, a whirlwind of to dos and tasks to be crossed off? Where finishing my annual family photo book is just another thing on the list I that I need to force myself to focus and work on? Or will I be able to slow down and enjoy that task, because it's about our family memories and I really like doing it.

But that is just the thing. I like the things on my list. Well, mostly (let's just not talk about housekeeping here, ok? Cleaning out closets is fine. Dusting? Yawn.). Most of the things I do enjoy - given the time to do them. And not under pressure to complete the next item and the next and then the one that just came on top of it.

So I am here and now making a pledge to slow down. At least a bit. To squeeze in the little things that I love so much. To sit in the sun. Find the most beautiful leaf of all. Make hot chocolate. Go read some poetry for a change. Find books about the season to read with the boys. Or take half an hour to go into the woods and take some photos (and actually noticing in the process that there are still plenty of green leaves on the trees. No rush.)

But most of all, slow down enough to enjoy the things I am doing anyway. And help my kids do the same.

Wishing you a wonderful Fall,
Swenja

Life lately

Four months? Really? You have to be kidding me. Where did those four month go? Or the last seven, for that matter. When did it get to be July already?

Seems like I am missing a few things lately. My annual family photo books? Not even started. And it is, well, July. And it's not just doing the books, it's also the material. Sometimes weeks pass before I pick up my camera again. This blog? Oh, please.

Something's gotta give.

With my not-so-new anymore job (that was last October), more and more things just drop of the list. Get postponed and then just sort of lost. Why is it so hard to start something again once you have stopped, for whatever reason? And why is it all the fun things get dropped?

Don't get me wrong, I love that job, I really do. There are weeks when it's absolutely completely insane, but I still love it. It's just that all the other things need attention, too. You know, things like grocery shopping, errands, laundry and oh, cleaning the house. Taxes, filing papers, paying bills. And my brain happens to shut itself off at 8pm latest. Can't process a single thought anymore. Trust me, I've tried. 

I've been thinking about this lately though. (before 8pm, obviously)

Apparently I need my fun back.

That means that something else will have to give. Some things I simply won't do. Some things my boys will have to help. Cleaning is a family activity now, and that is a good thing because it goes much faster if I don't have to do it all by myself. Not sure my boys agree to that yet, but hey...

So anyway, looking through my (not even sifted through and edited, yikes!) photos, this is a little glimpse into what we've been up to lately:

Little brother learned to ride his bike. After starting his training bike last year and being familiar with the pedals from riding his go-cart, I thought he'd be at this much sooner. But he simply wouldn't let go. It was plain to see he could easily do it, but he just didn't trust it. I really do hope he doesn't come after his mommy in that respect! Geez. Once he got the hang of it though, he was determined to also set off on his own, not needing to give him that initial push. Didn't take him long - something big brother had taken much longer to learn once he rode his bike. Go figure!

Summertime! After a long winter the garden seemed to take forever to grown and bloom. Once it did though, it really did.

Planting seeds for a school project - and then planting some more because little brother wanted them, too. "It's not fair, mommy!" Right. That's they're most favorite complaint lately: "Not fair!" Guess they're gonna have to get used to some of it...

We planted cucumber, radishes and pumpkin. And sunflowers, but they refused to grow. Oh well.

Early summer tradition: Making elderflower syrup. After last year's batches were gone far too soon, we made some more this year. Maybe some of it will last long enough to be a Christmas present? Summer's scent in the middle of winter. Like strawberry jam. Elderflower and strawberry is almost the same season, and it's way too short. 

Water battles with daddy - a favorite pastime when it gets really hot. 

Taking a break and having some iced coffee. Recently decided I love iced coffee. Nothing fancy, just a hot brewed fresh shot of espresso over half a glass of ice cubes, some simple syrup and milk. Not only does it taste good - sometimes it's the only way to get through the afternoon without falling asleep mid-sentence!

Someone getting new glasses! Of course they had to be green. We agreed on a pair that is black outside and the brightest green possible on the inside. Fine with me.

Big brother also had his first guitar concert. Well, a tiny little one, playing two songs in front of a handful of people, but still. He was nervous, but he did a great job.

Sneak peek at our latest project. That wildflower field you see there? That is our new backyard-in-progress. This is the before shot, and quite some things have been done since. Of course even more remain... oh well.

So there you go, a brief update of sorts. Yeah I know. Lots of pictutes. What? You thought I wouldn't post for four months and then let you get away with three or four photos? Nah. After all, who knows when I'll get around to this again... Kidding. Hopefully.

So hey, it's nice to be back.

Talk to you soon!
Swenja

{the simple things} brightness

Ugh.

That's basically all I can say.

Ugh.

I hear someone call "Mommy? Mommy! M-o-m-m-y!" what feels like every five seconds. The cats follow me around the house, meowing. There are dust bunnies having parties under my couch, and a laundry mountain that laughs at me because there seems to be no way to conquer it today. But I will. Still, I get so tired of it sometimes.

I fell asleep on the couch at 7:30pm on Friday, after having raced to the pediatrician right after picking up big brother from school and hearing from our neighbor that her kids have scarlet fever. And they all shared the chocolate fountain last weekend. Luckily although my kids have been sick for two weeks and we've had our share of sore throats, fevers and midnight barf, it was not scarlet fever. And they are much better now and have started to eat like normal again. Which also means they have their energy back.

Yesterday I took my husband to the emergency clinic. His throat is so sore he can't swallow, and his fever won't go down.

Outside it started to get gray and rainy again. Temperatures are supposed to drop further today and it's supposed to start snowing again. Can you believe that? Snow. Again.

Oh, and I have to get to work tomorrow, for a long, long day no less.

It seems for every thing I take care of, there are five more screaming for my attention.

And although I don't get it all done, it's the little things I do get done, that make my day. I am still exhausted, but I feel better for the simple things. Like a clean kitchen. Folded laundry. A birthday gift made for a good friend. Taking both kids to swimming lessons. Making tea from sage that grows in my own backyard.

And these simple little bursts of brightness: A bowl of clementines...

...and some daffodils.

Both bought quickly on the run, at a discount store I don't usually shop at. But Tuesday after guitar practice little brother started to have a meltdown, so we just quickly grabbed a few things since it was on our way. At the checkout I noticed the daffodils - tiny, cheap little bunches, sold as they were, not even standing in water. I bought one anyway, and put it in a mug with water while making dinner, prepping school lunch and trying to keep little brother from screaming.

Not even two days later, I had this burst of bright yellow abundance in my kitchen.

I got some more daffodils yesterday, and they already started to blossom.

Maybe it's just me, but even when I'm exhausted and everyone is sick, the rest of the house a mess and it's cold and rainy outside - some bright yellow daffodils and orange clementines on my clean and uncluttered kitchen counters make all the difference.

Linking with Rebecca's simple things sunday today.

Happy Sunday

Swenja

Reminding myself why I blog

There is hardly a day where you don't see a post of a blogger apologizing for being absent and not blogging. It's sort of funny if you think about it. Many of us do this in addition to our everyday lives. We juggle family, work, household chores and just plain relaxing on the couch (or getting the sleep we would need if we were honest) with blogging. So why do we feel we have to apologize when it's the one ball we happen to drop for a while?

I could tell you that I've been busy lately. Everyone is busy these days, right? Work can be demanding, chores have this unpleasant way of recurring every day or week and don't even get me started on little kids. And that is just the general life maintenance thing. I'm not even talking about birthdays, preschool summer parties or the million other things that pop up everyday.

But it's not really true.

I mean, yes, life goes on and there is always something to do. Especially if you're me. If my husband asks what my plans for the day are, I usually start a long list of things I absolutely need to do. Which usually results in him rolling his eyes, mumbling something about me always having something to do. (He might have a point there. But don't tell him I said that.)

But sometimes it's more than just being busy. We seem to all be busy these days, and always. Yet there somehow is always time for the things we really want to do.

I'm not sure I really wanted to blog.

Yes, I kept putting up posts, especially the simple things sunday ones. But it started to feel like another thing on my list. A chore. A to do.

But I don't have to do this. I chose to do this.

Because I love writing. And because as much as my sweet husband tries, he really does not get all that excited about a cleaned out closet, the kids' latest craft project or a mustard yellow scarf named Noelle. But I get excited about that. And if you know me at all, you will have noticed that I like to communicate, to share these things.

This month it will be one year of blogging for me. And it's all I ever hoped it would be. And more. It's amazing to see so many creative ideas and connect with so many creative people. Most of all it's just amazing to know that I am not the only one who can walk around with a huge grin on her face all day just because she had the perfect idea for a kids party, made a delicious cake, finally cleaned out that closet or managed to sew a gift for a friend.

I think I hit some sort of a dry spell for this little tiny blog of mine.

I realized I lost the connection with why I write when a friend of mine commented that I am so descriptive and should be a writer. Now, we know this is greatly exaggerated, but it did spark something. I am at my best writing when I really connect with what I feel and describe my world around me.

So if I start to see it as another to do, if I just upload photos and write a few quick sentences then yes, that is something I might get done in-between everything else. But it's usually not when I am at my best writing. It doesn't really feel right.

I am not going to apologize for not blogging more frequently. But I will promise to make sure what I write comes from my heart, be it a long post or a few short thoughts on a photo.

What is your secret for staying connected to your creativity, your inspiration and your reason to blog?

Do share.

Swenja

{the simple things} clear skies

Another week just went by? Really?

I refuse to believe that. But tomorrow is Sunday, time for the simple things. So it's got to be true. Still it seems that week went by awfully quickly. It's somewhat of a blur, with too many places to be and too many things to do. I did not get another post in. At night I was too tired to write even two words. Or edit a photo. Let alone take a photo or think about something to write.

Anyhow. It was a good week. We got lots of errands done and things crossed off the list. There were some good news. And the brothers got a new haircut, fairly short for the first time in their lives and they look so cool, so much older. So cute. Oh sorry, I'm not supposed to say cute anymore.

And then today we went to pick out glasses for big brother. Yup, just like mommy and daddy he needs glasses. We have three different models to try out over the weekend and we'll have to take our pick on Monday. Big brother wants the green ones. Bright green ones. A little bit too bright and too green if you ask me. I'm still trying to convince him, but since he's somewhat sick today with a mysterious fever, he's also cranky and not easily convinced. Hm.

So it's been a crazy week, and the weather has been equally crazy. From summery and warm too rainy and cold enough to wear a jacket. We did get to spend some time outside, catching our breaths as the kids were in bed and the skies cleared up. Ahhh. Peace and quiet.

Watching the sunset does put things into perspective. At least until the next day, next errand, next thing to do...



Happy Sunday!

Swenja

Home again

Yeah, we're back home. We had the most wonderful vacation, but it was also good to be home again. Well, after spending nearly eight hours in the car with two kids under the age of six, we would have been glad to arrive anywhere. But arriving back home was sweet. The weather had turned ugly the night before we left and by the time we got home it was really, really raining hard here, too.

I don't know about you, but the last years, coming home has usually meant some sort of chaos. Bags and stuff everywhere, in various stages of unpacking and just lots of stuff that needs to be put back. This time, it was different. I have no idea what it is, but when I walked in the door after just ten short days away, everything seemed so nice. Clean. Crisp. Filled with light. Uncluttered. Spacious. Unpacking was a breeze, too: Dump 99% of clothing into laundry baskets, sort and start laundry in the basement and put the other stuff back to where it belongs. My box of kitchen stuff and food I took with me (you know, spices, some flour and sugar, coffee, pasta and an emergency jar of tomato sauce, the great apple juice and the other lovely things we bought along the way) was unpacked in five minutes flat, while making a pot of tea.

Not quite sure if this is due to living in fairly cramped quarters with my three boys for those ten days or the fact that this lovely Bavarian apartment was just so different from my normal surroundings (while being the most charming place ever, I have to say). Or maybe the sense of projects still to do and things still to declutter and finish I have living here everyday simply means I completely fail seeing what we did already accomplish and declutter?

In any event, it's a good thing, because a day after being back I was right in the middle of making multiple to do lists, phone calls, running errands, doing paperwork and trying to get all sorts of things done before starting work again next week and before summer is over again and big brother starts school (gasp. Big brother will start school this year. Someone pinch me!). I wouldn't really have the time for any house projects right now anyway. So I guess I better try and preserve that I-like-my-home-the-way-it-is attitude!

Ah, my lists. One of the best things about vacation was to really and truly let go of to do lists. The only times I ever opened my to do app was to check off my recurring tasks that kept popping up. I didn't realize I had that many. Ugh. Maybe it's time to delete them from my list and focus on the things I really have to or want to do? It sure was nice to have the decision where to go for dinner as the only to do of the day. Sigh.

It was really nice to slow down. Even though days were full, they seemed longer. A week seemed like a week again. And now? We've been back since last Monday and it feels like yesterday, and not like a week as passed. I have no idea where the time went. Yes, we did get a lot of things done and we did a lot of fun things, too, but I can feel the days go by faster again. Maybe it's about being in the moment more or focusing on just one thing at a time, or focusing on nothing at all, just staring at the lake and the mountains.

I think I need to take a day off. Every week. One day without anything to do. Now, how do I fit that in my schedule? Actually, I have no idea. But I'll be trying to make Sundays free again, and slow down. At least that one day. Any advice?

Swenja

Vermeckmezahl or Why I really need to lighten up

Vermeckmezahl. No, that’s not some strange German word. In fact, that is not really a word at all. At least not if you ask me.

Big brother would strongly disagree here. “Mooooom, that’s the secret agent in Cars 2!” he keeps insisting. Not that he has seen the movie, mind you. But his friends apparently have. And they talk about it.

Vermeckmezahl.

I sort of doubted that this would truly be the name of that character. And it annoyed me. Badly. So I kept telling big brother to stop repeating something he didn’t understand quite right, because frankly, it was ridiculous.

We kept argueing about this for days.

I got really annoyed.

And he had no idea what the fuss was about, after all, he was just trying to play with his friends and be part of the group.

I finally looked it up. Turns out, we’re talking about Finn McMissile here. Vermeckmezahl. 

Pretty funny, if you think about it.

So why am I getting so mad and annoyed just because my 5-year-old is getting words wrong? Maybe because he insists that he’s right while I insist that it can’t be right. Maybe because I have some serious issues about control and perfectionism here. Maybe I was distracted by all those To Dos in my head and the change in our routines with me working three days a week now.

Or maybe I just really need to lighten up.

Funny thing is, now that I’ve looked it up I have to smile everytime I think about it. It’s one of those things they get wrong that is so funny you laugh about it years later (especially if you remembered to write it down and include it in the annual photo book). Like when he was really little and kept saying “Epeten” because he couldn’t pronounce “Erdbeeren”, German for strawberries. And he loved strawberries.

So instead of argueing about this for days and constantly being annoyed and grumpy just because my little kid didn’t say something quite right, I could have taken the time to listen and look it up in the first place. Or simply let it be. I mean, he constantly hears words he doesn’t understand and repeats them. That’s how kids learn, after all.

Apparently I have a lot to learn, too.

What’s the funniest thing your kids got wrong?

Do you write these things down? I often think “oh I’ll have to remember to write that down”. And then when I do, like an hour later, I can’t figure out what exactly they said, especially when it’s one of those hilarious dialogues between the two of them. I guess I should keep notepads and pens in every single room in my house. Or do something about my brain capacity. Nah, I’ll better get some notepads. Better write that on my shopping list right now.

Any advice on how to remember to lighten up? Please share in the comments.

Maybe I’ll just put sticky notes with “Vermeckmezahl” everywhere.

Swenja

{the simple things} quiet

The other day I went downstairs to grab my camera and take some photos of a project I was working on. Before I went up the stairs again I looked out the window. It had been raining and skies were gray, but it still looked lovely out there. Quiet. Peaceful. The few colors left on this gray day were saturated by the rain.

I put on my wellies and went out.

The trees were bare, showing off even the tiniest little twig.

After weeks of everything being frozen, there was water everywhere, dripping from the branches...

...and collecting on the weeds.

Bright green moss under all the brown and gray.

Lovely silhouettes.

Rain glistening.

The sad thing is, that all of this will be cut down and plowed under this year to make room for houses. I took countless pictures just to document the beauty of it all before it's gone. And I can't even complain because after all, my house sits on a former corn field, too.

Linking up with Rebecca's simple things sunday.





Have a quiet Sunday - and a wonderful week!

Swenja

I have a big boy now

My baby turned 3 this week. Three. T-H-R-E-E!

Where did the time go? And will it keep going faster?

He's such a big boy now, talking almost as much as his big brother. Sometimes when I have them on the phone on my way home from work I can't even tell who is who.

He's going to preschool, happily waving goodbye in the morning. He makes up the most complicated stories and fantasy worlds to play in. He makes me pretend coffee.

He's the sweetest little person on earth. Except when he's hungry or tired, or worse, both. He's as stubborn as mommy and throws tantrums like there is no tomorrow.

He still doesn't eat much except for bread, pasta with butter and of course chocolate. But he's an expert baker and apparently now in charge of deciding what to bake at our house.

He loves his big brother. No, he adores him. When he was a baby, he used to crack up laughing every time he watched big brother walk down the stairs. We have never found out why he thought that was so funny. He still thinks big brother is so funny, even when mommy and daddy don't think it's funny at all.

So last week he turned 3. He'll proudly show you how many fingers that is.

And he stopped nursing.

Yes, you read that correctly. Little brother has been nursing forever, just because he liked it and he wouldn't really eat solids that well when he was little, and, well, I guess mommy just never told him to stop.

Think whatever you want to, and I'm sure most of you are going to think I'm crazy. I don't care. Even if you go eeeeeewwwwww and stop reading right here, that is fine with me. It's worked for us and for once I'm just not going to worry about what others think.

Over the past months it's been down to just needing it for two minutes at night to fall asleep. I asked him when he would stop, because, as we all know, big boys just don't do that anymore. "When I'm three, mommy. On my birthday. Because I'll be big then" was the answer.

It seemed a bit unfair to end such a fun day as his birthday with a big fat NO, but hey, we had a deal, right? So we cuddled in his bed and I sang all the lullabies I know. He didn't argue much and didn't cry at all, it just took him a little longer to fall asleep.

I think it' a much bigger deal for mommy than for the now "big" little brother. This week I gave away the baby stroller that both of my kids used from newborn to about two-and-a-half years old. Little brother turned 3. And big brother will start school in August.

Don't get me wrong. It's exciting. And it's great to be able to go throw in a load of laundry and just leave the boys happily playing upstairs for a few minutes. Or go places without taking along much more than a phone, keys and maybe a tissue. To sit there with a cup of coffee and watch them have breakfast, chatting about what they're going to do today.

But it's different. Three is still going enough for that sense of wonder and excitement. Even five is still young enough for fantasy worlds and cuddling with mommy. But I see it coming. They're getting independent.

I need to make the most of now.

So we had a wonderful birthday. Starting out with chocolate muffins for breakfast and the pretend mail set as a present.

Which was a big hit. They've been delivering mail ever since. I do need to make another one of those bags though, they keep fighting over the one. I'm not sure I remember how I made the first one.

Then we went to visit Sealife together with big brother and daddy. It was great. I'll show you the pictures some other time.

In the afternoon we had the grandparents over and more presents. Like his new coffee maker. Sorry for the bad pics, it still gets dark so early here and the light was awful (and I still haven't figured out how to manually white-balance my images).

And cake. Oh the cake.

A chocolate layer cake with a vanilla custard buttercream.

The now big boy insisted on that. He was very precise and after we had looked through quite a few books, he pointed at a layer cake with a white buttercream. I made a custard buttercream though, because he kept calling the buttercream "pudding", which means custard in German. And also because I simply don't like butter mixed with sugar, way too sweet if you ask me. So I did what my grandmother would have done and cream half a pound of butter and then by the spoonful mix in a vanilla custard (at room temperature!!) made from two cups of milk. It's the perfect consistency and the whole thing doesn't contain more than four tablespoons of sugar.

Soon enough, he won't be just picking out the cake and helping, he will bake it all by himself. Or maybe I'll be lucky if he still wants to bake cake at all. We'll see.

Until then, I'm enjoying every minute of snuggling with my now three-year-old.

Happy weekend,
Swenja